Monday, August 27, 2012

Theory of Relationship

This is not some physics related blog post,so don't skip it on seeing the title itself.It's all about relationship. Lot of relationships exists in this world. Friendship, parenthood,love,siblings etc.

Nowadays the word 'relationship' is used only in association with love and lust.Even friendship is a form of relationship.Whatever it be, the relationship gets interesting, if its between a boy and girl.Once a girl enters,everything becomes interesting.But if the same girl leaves you,it hurts.This is what relationship is all about.

There are numerous ways of getting into relationship.The most common factor which leads to a relationship - attraction.On seeing a beautiful girl,most of the guys wants to make friendship with that girl.Girls too like handsome guys.Some shameless guys are there,they will stoop down to any extent to make friendship with that girl.The worst part is,if there happens to be a mutual friend between this girl and the boy,then he will start torturing that mutual friend to give an intro to that girl(edhukku da indha maanam ketta polappu).When you question this,the guy will talk as if he is a gentleman and will say, "see I just want to make friendship with that girl,why are you taking it in wrong sense?".But most of these gentlemen wants to make that 'genuine' friendship with only with fair girls(whittu skinnu girlu girlu :P).

As days move on,some friendship turns into love.One can't find fault with this.It just happens.One cannot find reason for that.But there is also another occasion,where people 'fall' in love.Loneliness is what I am pointing out to.When a girl feels low on confidence and there is none to support her, and all of a sudden if a guy stands for her,its quite natural that the girl will develop some kind of special feeling for that guy.And this can very well happen to a guy too.But the possibility of a girl 'falling' in love is more than a guy in such situations. But once they overcome this difficult situation,either the guy or the girl moves on.

Due to loneliness,the guy develops a sympathy towards the girl.The girl too starts considering the guy someone more than a friend.Trouble starts when these two fall in love.Most of the cases end-up either in break up or divorce.The reason for this is - situation forced them to get into a relationship and once the situation changes,their relationship breaks up.Still some of such relations lasts for a long time,because even though situation forces them,they take that extra step to understand each other.

After being in a relationship for a long time or after showing a great amount of affection towards someone, girls simply throw away some guys.I don't know,how girls are able to do this.Suddenly they realize about their family background,they realize about status,they understand the difference between love,infatuation, sympathy etc.

There is a problem with our guys.Its a serious problem.If a girl starts moving well with them,they forget the basic fact that friendship can exist between a girl and boy.Just because a girl talks so much with a guy,it need not necessarily be love.In developed towns and cities,this is how a girl child is brought up - the girl will talk so many things with her parents.They will almost share everything that happens in their school, college, work place etc.They will  tell the names of guys with whom they move daily.They will tell the pranks played in the college, they will tell the difficulties faced in the work space etc.They are the 'chellakuttys' in home.Meaning - the parents give so much of freedom to the girls.Naturally the girl moves with other guys too in the same way. If you are going to consider her jovial talks and casual behavior as a positive signal for love,I am damn sure you will end up with egg on your face.There are exceptional sadist parents too.But they are less in number,considering the fact that only educated girls are taken as an example here.

Another problem with guys is, most of them doesn't have the much needed self-control.Whenever a guy falls in love with a girl,he will be in a hurry to propose her.And as we see in movies,we have good friends who will encourage you with golden words like 'if you miss this chance,you will never get such a good girl'.Our hero will believe his friends like anything.Now, for him,his friends are like Gods(Gods must be crazy :P).So he will take this advice serious and will propose his love without knowing what the girl really thinks about him.

I admit its too difficult to understand what a girl thinks.Yes understanding a girl is highly impossible.There is nothing as difficult as understanding a  girl.You can even understand the method and solve a mathematical equation,but you can never understand a girl.But if a girl really loves you,you can feel it for sure(kannukulla manam thudikkum kandupidikkanam appappaa :P).And once you are able to feel that,don't delay it even for a second.Express your love.Don't keep a messenger,don't propose in sms,chat etc.Meet her in person, express your love.If meeting is really difficult and you want to propose immediately,make a phone call(but still proposing a girl face-to-face is the right way and it really has a thrill in it too :P).

There is another issue too.Every girl has this quality.She may be an innocent girl or intelligent girl,doesn't really matter.She can easily realize the intentions of a guy moving with her.She can find out who is in love with her,who is expecting a 'physical relationship' ,who is moving with a brotherly or friendly affection etc. Even after knowing this some girls take advantage of this and use the guy as per their needs and just throws him away.When you come to know that a guy is madly in love with you and you don't have any intentions on him, better avoid the guy in the beginning itself.That will save the life of you as well as the guy who is in love with you.

But there are occasions that will confuse a girl to a great extent.This is the most common problem it seems. Sometimes a girl cannot understand what the guy is upto.In this case,even the concerned guy may not be knowing what he is upto.He may be having some 'special affection' towards a girl.We can call this a soft-corner.Both the guy and the girl knew this relationship is something more than friendship.But still they may not be sure.In this case,the girl can seek the help of some mutual friend.Make it sure that he/she is trustworthy friend.You can ask what the guy is upto, through this friend.If you don't have a mutual friend, you can directly ask this to the guy.And, it is at this point, you two should decide whether to get into a 'relationship' or not.If you choose to get into a relationship,its well and good.

But, if you choose 'not',then it is better to put a full-stop to everything.Stop casual talks, unwanted messages,unnecessary calls etc.Make it sure that,there is no communication between you two, unless and until there is a necessity.It's too difficult to throw away, someone whom you like very much,just like that. But if you fail to do so after this meeting,life will become miserable to either of you or to both of you.

Once you get into a relationship,see that it lasts forever. Don't break up for silly reasons.Nobody is perfect in this world.Everyone makes mistakes.Ask this question to yourself - 'the mistake or the relationship - which is more important?'. You will get only relationship as the answer.Most of the relationships break up due to misunderstanding. Misunderstanding is not unavoidable. When you are constantly in touch with your friend or (boy/girl friend),this misunderstanding can be easily avoided. This very well applies to friendship too. Don't miss an opportunity to talk with your loved-ones(friends too).

Don't say you are always busy and you couldn't find time for your friends and loved ones,you have to find time.Spending a five minutes for people close to you is not a big deal at all.That will not spoil your productivity. Ofcourse job is important. Every profession has its own challenges. You may be an IT professional, may be a policeman,a cricket player, a driver,a doctor,a mechanic,a teacher etc. Each of these jobs has its own difficulties.But still talking to someone who is close to you, someone who likes/loves you very much or someone whom you like very much will give you the much needed relief from all your tensions.But if something goes wrong in your work,after spending few minutes for your friend,don't blame her/him.That's not the way.Think honestly, we will waste atleast 1 hr daily during our working hours. No am not talking about lunch break,apart from lunch breaks,we all will waste atleast 1 hr. In that 1 hr we can spend few minutes for people who are close to us.

To put it simply,if you value people,you will find time for them.

Try to call your friends and loved ones on their birthdays.If possible go in person and wish them.Not many will expect others to wish them.But they will value the time taken by you for them.Birthday is the only day in a year,during which most of your friends and loved ones will call you.The invention of facebook has spoiled this small happiness too.Don't stop with a facebook wish.Sometimes your phone call might make your friend very happy.

Send a good forward message whenever possible.That will help you to be in touch with your friends always.If there is a fight and if you value the person more than the mistake,try to convince him/her.Though there is no mistake on your part,try to convince.At the same time,don't give up your self-respect.

In any relationship,be it friendship or love or between a husband and wife,mutual respect is more important than anything else.Respect doesn't mean using words like sir,boss,madam etc.Respect one's feeling.Just because he has done something wrong don't try to punish him for a life time.As I said above,nobody is perfect in this world.But one thing,whatever be the relationship,if care,affection,love,respect is one sided and the other person, without even considering this,hurts you and ignores you deliberately,without any hesitation,throw them away. Throw them away from your heart.Don't say movie dialogues and roam around like Idhayam Murali.

And that's it.I would like to conclude this post with an advice.

"Don't try to get into any relationship just for the sake of it,it should happen naturally"

I might not have covered everything about relationship,but I believe whatever I have covered, is right.

These are all just theories.Cross check these theories with by implementing it in 'practical experiments'.If anything written here resembles with anyone's personal life,its purely co-incidental.Will come up with more theories in future.


Anitha Umapathy said...

Romba experience pola...
But nice post :)

Jagan Ealumalai said...

"Theory of Relationship" we should talk more about this either with cup of coffee! or bottle of Beer!!

Harish.M said...

@Anitha and Jagan - thanks for your comments :-) I don't have that much experience though :P